She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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