mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
