call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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