What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
