I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
