the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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