If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
