I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
