This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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