i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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