I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize