i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
