I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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