Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
