she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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