Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
