so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
