It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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