just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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