I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
