Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
