4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
