I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
