absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
high people should be assigned attendants
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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