Christians are straight up FREAKS
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
