Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.

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(804): View more from Virginia

I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.

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(518): View more from New York

Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.

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(540): View more from Virginia

About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.

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(813): View more from Florida

MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.

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(305): View more from Florida

He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool

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