You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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