1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
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