the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
