I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
