Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Randomize
