in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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