i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
