Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
