I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
if i died would you start the facebook group?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
