Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
