I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
