what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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