oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
did you just send me my own nude
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
