Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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