I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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