Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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