Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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