i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
