Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
