am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
