I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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