having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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