What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
