Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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