have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize