yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
