Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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