Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
