I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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