i just wanna soil my oats bro
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
