Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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