the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
