You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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