I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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