I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
