I heard we made out
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
