Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
