If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize